it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Randomize