im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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