I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
