woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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