ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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