my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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