I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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