I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
