toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
no you cant smoke seaweed
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Everclear isn't food dammit
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
