you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
