he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
