I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
