apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
