Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
