Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
