I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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