from now on my penis is your penis
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
