she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
