Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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