I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
