Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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