Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
