Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
