i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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