I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
