hell yes lets make some ravioli
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
