I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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