Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize