well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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