you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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