thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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