I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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