Christians are straight up FREAKS
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
