Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
