I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
