I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
