I'd wear matching sweaters with you
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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