wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
