It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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