My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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