listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
