Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
