It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I need water and some morals
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
