The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
