I'm going to jail i love you
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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