If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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