I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
