You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
