I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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