Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
