Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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