Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
