and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
