just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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