oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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