that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My feet surprised me
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