you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
