Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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