Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize