I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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