Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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