I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Everclear isn't food dammit
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
