My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
