the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize