the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
