if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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