my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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