Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
