I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize