feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
