note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
