did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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