We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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