it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize