So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
