It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
