i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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