She's JV to your varsity
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
