last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
