I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
