I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
