If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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