boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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