My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
