I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
