the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
