If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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