sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
