It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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