remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
