so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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